STOP THE PRESSES--AGENT OFFERS ME REPRESENTATION!! (MAYBE)

[shalanna]

Okay, stop the presses--emergency consultation!

Either I am being expertly spoofed, or I have just recieved an e-mail from a powerhouse agent who offers me representation for _Camille's Travels_ (oddly enough, the same book that got kind of trashed on Wednesday--which is one reason I am highly suspicious about this offer, but more about that later.) Remember that high-powered agent I mentioned (or did I?) who called me back in April and said she'd read the rest of the manuscript over the weekend . . . and then never called me back? I finally decided she must have been turned off by the book, and wrote that one off.

Well, she is the agent who just contacted me! However, there is something just a touch odd about the e-mail I got. She says she loves the book and will offer representation, yet she cannot call me right now and will not be reachable until August 21st (why not just kill me now?!) because she will be out of the country at a conference. I've removed identifying information from the missive, but would like y'all's thoughts as to whether I should continue soaring to clouds of joy or should take all of this with caution and a grain of salt. I tried replying right away with my new cell phone number and saying that I'd be glad to speak with her whenever, but got an "Out of the Office Auto-Reply" saying that she'll be at RWA Australia. So that much checks out, for what that's worth. Sorry for being such a paranoid nutjob, but these days, y'know. . . .

Anyway, here's what the e-mail said.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I read CAMILLE'S TRAVELS and LOVED it. If you're still interested in working with me I'd like to offer you representation. Unfortunately I'm going to the country for a conference and will only be reachable by email until the 21st. I'd like to talk to you at that time if that's convenient for you.
Best wishes, [HIGH-POWERED AGENT WHO AUCTIONS OFF BOOKS FOR BIG MONEY]

Of course I started shouting and wrote to Dennis right away, and then to hubby. But then I ran into the kitchen to tell the old hag, I mean my beloved elderly mother, and she just snapped, "Oh, sure, more bullshit. What does this mean, anyway--that she wants you to pay her and then she'll send this book around?" That's not the way agents work, and I have explained that over and over, but anyhow, she went on to add, "And who does business that way--says that they can't talk to you on the phone for three weeks? Sounds really odd to me."

Well, she had a point there. And she scored mucho points for once again bursting her worthless, unworthy daughter's bubble, a stupid bubble that she should once again never have blown up around herself. (sigh) However, it does seem a little odd. I realize that people who travel and who actually have careers are very busy, and that they might need to concentrate on currently urgent business rather than mess with an author who's just a prospect, but . . . am I living in a dream world here, or could this be a spoof?

I wouldn't be surprised. I know a number of accomplished software engineers who could easily spoof an e-mail and who would think it hilarious to fool me, even for a moment. They don't think like an artist and wouldn't give a moment's thought to the terrible dudgeon they'd be consigning me to by doing this, having me soaring for three weeks and then eagerly expecting a call that of course never comes. They'd just laugh and say, "You knew that couldn't be for real!" They're not "overly sensitive," the way I am.

What the hell am I doing, printing out this e-mail and rushing through the house all happy and stuff over what could be nothing? Why am I not finishing up with the cleaning of that bathroom, heading to Cingular to make them give me a new bananaphone in exchange for the bad one I got last weekend, getting the car inspected, acting like an adult?! Have I learned NOTHING from my long enrollment in the Skool of Hard Knocks Upside da Head?

But anyway, it COULD be for real. Maybe I am expecting too much from my business transactions. After all, my bananaphone turned out to be a lemon, even though it is pink. (It's a pink Motorola RAZR V3 that won't do anything now but turn itself off and say that its SIM is sick, and I got all excited and downloaded several ringtones and put in everyone's phone number right away when I first got it last weekend. That's why it failed--I got too excited. The Universe does not like that from me, for whatever reason.)

I could easily bomb this, too, if it's for real, by getting too excited, so I am writing to y'all to help me settle down and decide how high to set the bar of expectations.

So . . . do you think I should just settle down and wait quietly and see what happens? I guess that's pretty much all I *can* do. It's not as if there's a bidding war going on for the book. The ones I've been sending out were the mysteries and the chick lit, so other agents aren't working on this one. I don't know what I expect y'all to say. I suppose I'm just stuck waiting to see if this agent contacts me again. In other words, floating in the same canoe up that creek paddle-free, as always. But this time I do have a Bobby Darin CD in the player, at least.

Okay, I'm calm again now. Did I mention that the doctor was thrilled with my blood work and congratulated me on losing weight? They got me a present, too. It's a black T-shirt that says, "WoW Widow." The doctor's wife got it for me. She got herself one, as well. Because hubby and the doctor play that stinkin' game all the time and neglect us. I thought that was really nice of her! And they told me they expect it to be HANGING on me by October 2nd when I come back for more blood work. It's a 2X, and they want to see it be really LOOSE. No pressure or anything.

And I'm going to play three parts (maybe) in Dennis's movie (assuming it goes forward and gets made). I ordered a red wig so I can be a floozie at the diner. That should be cool, even in Dalhart in the summertime.

Maybe things are looking up. The Universe tossed me a bone, knowing that it had been pushing pretty hard lately and I might just tumble over the cliff into the abyss at any time. Keep your fingers crossed that I may continue to live on the fantasyland pink cloud and not have my illusions shattered for at least a little while now . . . I need the infusion of starry-eyed-ness.

And thanks for listening. I really do appreciate having an audience out there who's willing to read this dreck, even if it gets boring and whiny all the time.

Comments

[fshk.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, as far as I know spoofed emails cannot be replied to, so if you replied directly to the email and got the Out of Office thing, it might just be real. It's also possible that the agent was just trying to get a bunch of things done before leaving for the conference. I'd wait the three weeks and see if she calls and worry about it then.

[shalanna.livejournal.com]

Good point . . . I don't know that much about spoofing, but it stands to reason that it'd be tough to reply properly. At least it checks out that there's an RWA conference in Australia going on, and this agent is listed as an attendee on their site.

I suppose I'm just impatient. Wonder why?!?! (GRIN)

There's all that negotiation . . . contracts . . . etc., I suppose. But I tell you what, though, if I were still in the "bidness" of selling telephone switches or selling software, my bosses would not let a little matter of international telephone call rates stand between them and possibly making money in the future. (GRIN) However, the publishing business is SO different from everything else.

I'll TRY not to drive everyone crazy during this interval. I think I'm cosmically supposed to continue cleaning up Casa el Dumpo--maybe I un-blocked some significant Feng Shui point last night when I dragged all those unused hair/skin products out of the master bath and found my Retin-A cream! (GRIN)

Cleaning up the Casa will take a good three weeks, MINIMUM, I ga-ron-tee.

Thanks for answering!

[fshk.livejournal.com]

Sure. And I work in publishing, but literary agents are a whole different ball game. Over here in textbook land, I don't have to deal with agents... well, ever. :-)

[coneycat.livejournal.com]

F**k your mother.

Sorry, did I say that out loud?

HUZZAH!!!!

This is amazing, fabulous, and wonderfulwonderful stuff! Congratulations! I'm unbelievably excited for you!

[shalanna.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! And I know just the T-shirt that I will be sending to you . . . (although the sentiment of not paying attention to negative types such as someone's female parent is pretty universal around this neck of the woods) . . . it has a thought bubble reading, "Did I really just say that out loud?!" *GRIN* They have it at "The Paragon." I think I need one myself.

And I'll TRY not to drive everyone crazy during this interval. Three weeks! *ack* I am most likely "supposed" to continue cleaning up Casa el Dumpo. It appears that I un-blocked some significant Feng Shui point last night. Also found my Retin-A cream, not yet expired. A good sign.

As I just told someone, cleaning up the Casa will take a good three weeks at hard labor, MINIMUM, I ga-ron-tee.

I'm even going to continue working on the other books. But I think that instead of making any changes to Camille, I will wait for the agent's suggestions. I'm thinking possibly my instincts were right on that count.

Thanks for answering!

[coneycat.livejournal.com]

I think that instead of making any changes to Camille, I will wait for the agent's suggestions. I'm thinking possibly my instincts were right on that count.

I don't think there's any question at all that your instincts about who the character is are right on. And clearly the execution works for this agent (and it sounded like much of your group "got" her as well.)

I agree--work on something else if only to keep your mind occupied, but don't touch Camille until you get this agent's take. She may have some very good comments--clearly she's interested in and taken with the character and story, which and that may translate into some very useful suggestions.

Or maybe she'll think Camille's already just dandy. That's the option I'm rooting for.

Once again--SQUEE!!!!!

[rm.livejournal.com]

I've actually sent emails like this to people. Of course, I'm not a high powered agent, but I've totally done the "I want to make you an offer for something but can't deal with it now" thing.

I say it all looks plausible. And awesome.

[shalanna.livejournal.com]

Okay, that does make me feel better--that you have actually done the "I'll get back with you" deal. Most of the time at my day jobs, we have been under a dictum that no matter WHAT we are doing, we must drop it and attend to whoever it is that's making the loudest noise, or whoever happened to get past the secretary. *grin*

This would be awesome, wouldn't it? Must continue unblocking Feng Shui points in house. (Maybe it was that stack of laundry that was in my Career area!)

[madwriter.livejournal.com]

I meant to add that if you're worried about authenticity, just send a brief "Thank you! I look forward to talking to you" e-mail and see what happens. (That is, whether it bounces, gets the out of office reply, etc.)

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

It's more than plausible. *You can write*. Trust me, I'm a professional. (Five books published.)

Also, do your techie friends know the names of the agents to whom you've sent work?

And your mother may simply be protecting herself and you by trying to avoid getting her hopes up. Or she could be a crabby, ungenerous bitch.

[shalanna.livejournal.com]

*blush* Thank you for the compliment. It means a lot coming from someone who obviously knows the score in publishing. (Forty-love! Ten to seven, Cowboys! *grin*) Seems that these days the words flowing and the prose being smooth doesn't matter as much as it used to, though, so it gets kind of tough out here.

Hmm . . . ONE of my techie friends has probably heard us blathering on about how great this agent is and how she might have stopped reading on page so-and-so because of this or that, etc., but hey, usually that goes in one of his ears and floats out the other without even registering. Unless he can fly there on his dragon, he doesn't go. ("World of Warcraft" reference, sorry!) Unless I have accidentally blathered it on this journal, which I could've done, I don't know for sure that they know. And can't imagine going to that much trouble.

Yep, Mama is trying to spare us getting disappointed again. This kind of thing has been happening for years, sort of. As for the other guess . . . *mumble* she can really hold her own in the competition for Mean Girl of the Year sometimes. She's had years of practice. (GRIN) She'll come around when we're actually getting books on the shelves, though. (If only)

Thanks for answering!

[cocoskeeper.livejournal.com]

It looks real to me! My agent has sometimes sent me an e-mail saying she really couldn't respond, "respond" for a while, since she'd be at a conference, and when I tried to e-mail back, "Okay!" I got an automated response that she would be out of town.

Don't worry. When did the automated e-mail say she could be "e-mailed" again?

Try at that time with a "looking forward to hearing from you, e-mail." Also, one time I sent my agent an e-mail, knowing I'd get an automated response, which I did, I just wanted to get the info sent, and she e-mailed me back! On her blackberry! So you never know--she might be checking her e-mails anyway.

This is excellent news. For luck's sake, I won't congratulate you until it's official. :-D

[coneycat.livejournal.com]

And furthermore:

"And who does business that way--says that they can't talk to you on the phone for three weeks? Sounds really odd to me."

Well, she had a point there.

No, she didn't. Who calls someone in Texas when they're in Australia, instead of using good old email? And it's summer. Seems perfeclty legit to me that she'd be taking a little vacation/going on a conference/both and at the same time not want to miss out on representing a property she really loves.

You're right there's not much you can do right now except wait--but I'd definitely do some dancing and singing in the meantime.

[laverick.livejournal.com]

I say enjoy the moment. Congratulations!

[madwriter.livejournal.com]

Actually, if you're worried about the source of the e-mail you could always check the IP address in the headers. That said...

>>"And who does business that way--says that they can't talk to you on the phone for three weeks? Sounds really odd to me."<<

Actually it's not that unusual. The agent who handled The City Beyond Play will often disappear from phone contact for periods of time while he's out of the office going to conferences and other such things. Not three weeks (that I know of) yet, but a week at a time has not been uncommon.

[newport2newport.livejournal.com]

I say it all looks very promising -- not a "bone" tossed from the Universe, but an honest-to-goodness ribeye steak. Dig in and enjoy! And fight off the urge to email her back. She now knows you're interested and also knows how to reach you when she's back from Down Under.

Meanwhile, keep writing and playing and rejoicing!

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

Look, if she's in Australia, chances are that she *won't* a) pick up a phone to talk to someone she hasn't signed yet, and b) have time to answer insignificant e-mails. If she's like the rest of us, and using the opportunity to <gasp> do some travelling while downunder because she won't get there again any time soon, her e-mail will probably be limited to [private, especially setup address] with anything really important forwarded by whatever assistant reads her e-mail.

You're not yet on the 'must answer' list.

However, the silliest thing you can do is to believe that it must be wrong - no agent could possibly offer you representation - and disregard her e-mail.

Please google for the legitimacy of her claims. It's dead easy and should put your mind at rest. And, holy wow. Congratulations!

[pameladean]

It makes perfect sense to me. She couldn't take on any new stuff while getting ready for and going to the conference, but possibly didn't want to leave you hanging, or risk having you get an offer from another agent in the meantime.

Agents are generally overworked, just like publishers, and often have little or no staff -- mine has none at all except for the occasional intern. If your mother can't digest that, too bad for her.

P.

[ogre-san.livejournal.com]

While it's frustrating to have to wait, I don't see any reason to disbelieve what you've been told, your mother notwithstanding. She's being negative, and that's her problem. If the agent is legit (and you already know he/she is), then contact them when they get back and go from there.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Shalana, if she's with a real agency, she's the real McCoy. Just wait till she gets back, it'll be okay.

And congrats! Now SHE takes over the nastiness of marketing, leaving you to write!

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

It's much more likely to be real than to be a spoof.

Have you ever thought of moving somewhere far, far away from your mother?

[marybethkelsey.livejournal.com]

I do not think this is a spoof at all. I think she's OOTC (out of the country, new LJ lingo), and won't be able to conduct phone business, etc. But you could e-mail her thanking her, etc.
Oh! And be sure to tell her your mother sends her love.
Actually, it all sounds great to me, so go ahead and BE HAPPY!!!
marybeth

[lexica510.livejournal.com]

Hm — one of the books I've been reading lately seems apropos here.



There is Nothing Wrong with You by Cheri Huber.



[BTW, re: the icon — "your issues" = your mother's issues, not yours. Just wanted to be clear on that.]

It's real.

[dennis-havens.livejournal.com]

Do your best not to fall into the trap of worrying. Worry never changed anything, for the better or for the worse.

This one is real.

Speaking of which, talked to Audra Mae this evening and got her O.K. to sing my tune "Maybe" in the 1942 flashback sequence of the movie. She will, in effect, be portraying Lucy Ann Polk, a great big-band singer of the 40s and 50s...and the sister of my late friend, Vern Polk. So I had a small victory today, too.

Razr phones suck, according to everyone I've talked to. But I suppose it's too late to do anything about that now. Just so they give you one that works.

Gotta E-mail a lead sheet of "Maybe" to Audra, but wanted first to send my fervent belief that this time, for you, is real.

[horace-hamster.livejournal.com]

It doesn't sound like a spoof to me. She sat on your ms for yonkers, so she must be aware of the possibility that you'd be considering offers from other agents as well. She's putting her hand up as soon as she's made her decision, so that at worst she's still in the running with you, rather than coming home three weeks later to find you've signed somewhere else because you'd written her off.

Even the most evil spoofer is unlikely to have known who had your book, what conferences such an agent would attend, have a cell phone with such a message set up, etc.

The agent is reach-able by email. Email her and say yes. Then you're golden.