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shalannaJust to clarify from my previous post. . . .
I'm not saying that the AGENT did anything wrong. I swear by all that I'm allowed to swear by (which I think is pretty much nothing, because IIRC, we're not supposed to swear by anything in my beliefsystem) that the original communication did say we were going to discuss representation. I don't think that I misread it or read that much INTO it. However, there were no commitments, and the agent was not obligated to do ANYthing.
The comments are reasonable, and I think the changes will improve the book. All we're basically doing is toning down the sexual stuff that I felt I had to put IN there in order to make it sell; I'm happier with the character not having to be so overtly sexual. No matter what happens, we've probably improved the book. (Also caught a few infelicitous phrasings.) I am not criticizing the agent's behavior.
All I'm saying is that I guess I'll NEVER learn not to get excited about things. I need to just never expect anything to turn out well, and that's a lesson I've never been able to learn. I was taught as a child to aim high and believe that anything's possible, etc., and this has left me an unrealistic adult. A worthless starry-eyed dreamer. I need a constant reality check. Just because everyone else gets something does NOT mean that I'm going to get the same breaks. And unless I want to always be publicly humiliated when I fail once again, I need to learn to SHUT THE HELL UP. What'll be humiliating is having to explain this to my aunt and various other people who have had such high hopes, and if I had just kept quiet instead of always blathering on about possibilities, there would be no demands for explanations. If I win the Pulitzer, win the Texas Lottery, and get elected President, I need to keep my damn trap shut about it--after all, if someone needs to know, they'll find out eventually. I don't know why this is such a tough lesson to learn.
But then they're ALL tough lessons, aren't they?
I also don't think that all is lost. I'm going to do the revisions, and we'll see what happens. Again, if I am not destined to succeed in this, it won't happen no matter what and no matter how worthy, so I should not be counting on *anything*. (But try telling my idiotic inner child that.)
I *am* considering making all of these posts friends-locked (that's a good suggestion), but I hesitate for two reasons. First, there are a number of people who come here to read who don't have LJs at all, and therefore they wouldn't be able to read these entries. But more important, I think it would be dishonest to put on a false front and NOT share the downs as well as any "ups" that might accidentally happen along. It's more honest to admit when I'm disappointed, when I'm licked, when I have to decide whether it's worth picking myself up off the ground and trying to stand tall again. I'm hoping that someone out there who's having a tough journey in life can follow along and feel better about being able to say, "At least I'm not as screwed as her!" I haven't said anything bad about anyone but myself, and I already know I'm bad, so I'm not revealing any secrets here. . . .
But if entries do start to turn up locked, it's not because of y'all, but for caution's sake. (Caution seems to enjoy being thrown to the wind around here. I think they're having an affair.)
I'm not saying that the AGENT did anything wrong. I swear by all that I'm allowed to swear by (which I think is pretty much nothing, because IIRC, we're not supposed to swear by anything in my beliefsystem) that the original communication did say we were going to discuss representation. I don't think that I misread it or read that much INTO it. However, there were no commitments, and the agent was not obligated to do ANYthing.
The comments are reasonable, and I think the changes will improve the book. All we're basically doing is toning down the sexual stuff that I felt I had to put IN there in order to make it sell; I'm happier with the character not having to be so overtly sexual. No matter what happens, we've probably improved the book. (Also caught a few infelicitous phrasings.) I am not criticizing the agent's behavior.
All I'm saying is that I guess I'll NEVER learn not to get excited about things. I need to just never expect anything to turn out well, and that's a lesson I've never been able to learn. I was taught as a child to aim high and believe that anything's possible, etc., and this has left me an unrealistic adult. A worthless starry-eyed dreamer. I need a constant reality check. Just because everyone else gets something does NOT mean that I'm going to get the same breaks. And unless I want to always be publicly humiliated when I fail once again, I need to learn to SHUT THE HELL UP. What'll be humiliating is having to explain this to my aunt and various other people who have had such high hopes, and if I had just kept quiet instead of always blathering on about possibilities, there would be no demands for explanations. If I win the Pulitzer, win the Texas Lottery, and get elected President, I need to keep my damn trap shut about it--after all, if someone needs to know, they'll find out eventually. I don't know why this is such a tough lesson to learn.
But then they're ALL tough lessons, aren't they?
I also don't think that all is lost. I'm going to do the revisions, and we'll see what happens. Again, if I am not destined to succeed in this, it won't happen no matter what and no matter how worthy, so I should not be counting on *anything*. (But try telling my idiotic inner child that.)
I *am* considering making all of these posts friends-locked (that's a good suggestion), but I hesitate for two reasons. First, there are a number of people who come here to read who don't have LJs at all, and therefore they wouldn't be able to read these entries. But more important, I think it would be dishonest to put on a false front and NOT share the downs as well as any "ups" that might accidentally happen along. It's more honest to admit when I'm disappointed, when I'm licked, when I have to decide whether it's worth picking myself up off the ground and trying to stand tall again. I'm hoping that someone out there who's having a tough journey in life can follow along and feel better about being able to say, "At least I'm not as screwed as her!" I haven't said anything bad about anyone but myself, and I already know I'm bad, so I'm not revealing any secrets here. . . .
But if entries do start to turn up locked, it's not because of y'all, but for caution's sake. (Caution seems to enjoy being thrown to the wind around here. I think they're having an affair.)
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no subject
Date: 2006-08-26 01:13 am (UTC)I'm sure you've heard (and most likely have even said...) "The craft of writing is in the re-writing." Well, it's the editors job to help you craft your manuscript into a masterpiece. I'm sure the agent is simply pointing out the areas that need some broad brush before offering it to an editor who will want to do the fine tooling. Thus...every writer accepting that Pulitizer says (with good reason) "This would not have been possible with out the help of __________, ___________, and ________." The fact that you've offered up something that is seen as being worth the investment of their broad brush and fine tools is not to be down played.
As a grant writer, (which I know it isn't the same field, but some of the basics are transferable,) I have never produced a finished product without the input and refinement of someone intermediary to the organization I'm writing for and the foundation I'm writing to.
You have every right to be proud of what you've done, and the recognition that it is receiving. Be excited...be very excited...at every step up the ladder to publishing success.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-26 03:17 pm (UTC)Next time you worry about your writing abilities, take another look at that sentence. It made me grin.
Right now you're wobbling. You're on the verge of making an important step where you'll face a whole new set of challenges. Wobbling is normal. But if the agent didn't want you, she wouldn't invest so much time into reading your book and talking to you - you have something *she* wants. If the sex was welded on, it'll show, and she's very clever indeed for spotting it.
Stop procrastinating and start revising. This is a business transaction - of *course* there will be a little back and forth. When she sends you her contract, you'll take it home, read it, discuss it, *then* sign. Or not. When a publisher offers you a contract, you expect _her_ to go over it, discuss it, talk it over with you, make a counter-offer, maybe talk to another publisher... so why do you expect that entering a business relationship with an agent is any different?
That's just your nerves talking. Your expectations aren't unjustified. You'll be fine.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-26 03:28 pm (UTC)It is silly to ask you to think of this as pure business, not possible. But, asking you to think twice and post once may be possible. OTOH, do you really want to deprive yourself of all delusions and daydreams? Those are your stock in trade. Without them, people grow unhappy indeed.
Get off your back, the view is no better from up there.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-26 06:14 pm (UTC)That statement, right there, makes me very hopeful indeed about this whole thing. The other commenters are absolutely right: you're understandably nervous but poised to take a wonderful, scary step forward. For me, the fact that the agent spotted an area where your writing wobbled a little, and actually asked for a change that's closer to what you as a writer are comfortable with--that's a very good sign, I think. You need to trust yourself as a writer, but you may also find you can trust this agent to understand what you're doing and help get that story out of you into an honest and yet marketable form.
Hang in there.