shalanna

Most of you know that I'm on an ultra-low-carb regimen, actually an 800-950 calorie-a-day Medifast program that allows one "normal" salad/veggie and meat meal a day. Recently the Medifast message boards have been alive with claims that the Shirataki noodles from Japan, which are made from soy or from sweet potatoes and supposedly have very few carbs (if you believe the Nutrition Facts, unless you Trust No One), actually mobilize and burn fat. I don't know about that--I used to rely on the myth that it took more calories to chew celery than you got out of eating it, and ate tons of celery, but stayed fat--but I do know that it's like having pasta, and it's like cheating. So I decided to try the stuff out.

There are two kinds: the curly ones that are like ramen noodles, and the wide ones that are somewhat like fetuccine. The curly ones are better, IMHO.

You'll have to go to an Asian market or a health food store to get 'em. Our Central Market recently started carrying them. When you open the package, you'll faint from the stink of bad, spoiled fish. But that'll rinse away (I'd rather not ask where it comes from, anyway) . . . so don't be put off.

Now, let's make a meal that you can have on the diet AND feed your family with.

(Oops. Stuck it behind the cut.)

Shirataki Curly “Carbonara” With Tomatoes/Etc.
(And A Family Meal Besides)

Bear with me on this one--you're going to make enough for several days (if you freeze the "base" goulash) or to feed a family with (if you divide it and add cooked macaroni, rotini, or spaghetti to the skillet.)

You need two skillets--your medium RevereWare and your Big-Ass RevereWare. You're going to make TWO different things and combine them, so bear with me here.

* 2 packages of ground beef from (say) Safeway.
I get one regular-package-sized ground sirloin (90/10), around 1.5 lbs, and one ground chuck or round (which is more like 85/15) so that we'll have a bit of oil. ALL sirloin is too dry. This means about 3 lbs. of meat.
* Two cans of Hunt's Diced Tomatoes (canned)--I get the kind with green pepper, celery, and onions already added. Two cans because 3 lbs. is a boatload of hamburger!
* One or two cans or jars of sliced mushrooms (cooked--Green Giant or Giorgio)
* Olive oil (splash here and there)
* Garlic powder, black pepper, etc.

Cook the ground beef in a splash of olive oil. You're going to crumble it and make it into those little bitty SloppyJoe-style crumbs. (Once it's cooked, evaluate your "grease" status, remembering that a bit of oil on this diet is GOOD. When I used to use the ground chuck alone, I would have to rinse and drain this to remove the grease, but you won't need to if you use the lower-fat meat. This should be ALL BROWN, WELL DONE.)

Now dump two cans of Hunt's tomatoes in there and one to two cans/jars of sliced mushrooms, depending on your preference. (Eyeball it for volume.) This is gonna cook up a mess of stuff, but don't worry--we will only use about 1/2 to 1 cup of it (6 oz.) per Medifast meal. Don't panic yet.

Add garlic powder to taste. You could add other Italian or Greek seasonings the second time you try this, but the first time, let's be conservative--this cost quite a bit to make, and you can always spice it up later by slopping a passel of jalapeno ranch salad dressing on top. (GRIN)

NOW . . . you have a bunch of good goulash in that skillet. You will use about a cup or so of this mixture to make the two-serving Medifast meal you are going to do in the smaller skillet. Put the large skillet aside on a cool burner for now.

Your smaller skillet is waiting.

For each two-portion skillet's worth of Medifast Lean'n'Green Meal Food:

* 1 package House Foods Tofu Shirataki noodles, thin/curly/original shape

(A little in advance of your meat being ready, fix noodles.)
You're going to rinse these well in cool water until that FISH STINK starts going away. I do it in the sink with a colander.
Then pat them dry. I use several layers of paper towels and a platter. The drier you get them, the more of your other flavors they will absorb (and this is what you want) and the less danger that they might get somewhat rubbery (which is what happened to me when I parboiled them for five to seven minutes, as my Japanese grocery store noodle package said to do!)

Now put them on a Corelle plate or platter or other microwave-save plate, spreading them out (and patting dry some more). Microwave on high for one minute. Steam will come off of them!

But they're not too hot to handle, so dump them into a "bowl" lined with paper towels again (I hope you aren't chintzy with paper towels like Granny Goodin, 'cause you'll waste quite a few doing this; I saved mine and then used the damp mass to wipe down the countertop where it got junk splattered on it and also to wipe out the inside of the dirty skillet before washing it.)

NOW pat them dry again. They'll be a lot drier.

They're going to stick to your paper towels, so pick them off carefully. You want them all! You can have ONE WHOLE PACKAGE in a Lean'n'Green Meal!

You also need:
* 1 cup cooked broccoli florets
* 1 small can of sliced mushrooms
* Another splash of olive oil, probably

By now, your goulash/sloppyjoe-style skillet is ready.

Dump your mostly-dry Shirataki noodles in the cool, dry small skillet. You may want to chop them a little shorter now or later.
Dump one cup of the meat goulash on top of this.
Dump one can of mushrooms *unless you don't care for mushrooms that much, since there are already some in your goulash*.
Warm this skilletful on that preheated burner. Don't burn it! You probably will want to splash on a bit of olive oil.
When this starts getting warm, dump on one cup of your precooked (soft, not al dente) broccoli florets. You might want to use sugar snap peas or other veggies that are allowed, too.

You could add diced onions, but not TOO many. (*Onions have sugar*) You can experiment with seasonings, but try it bland first.

Now grate some really nice-quality low-fat or nonfat cheddar cheese on top and stir it all up.

I have never found a true low-carb low-calorie spaghetti sauce, but if you aren't doing Medifast, you could certainly add that. Or add it to your main skillet.

Yum! Half of this goes into a Tupperware container for tomorrow's lunch. Half of it goes on your plate! Yay! This is your Medifast Lean'n'Green Meal.

If you don't think that is all the veggies you are allowed for that day, you could put this on a bed of shredded or chopped Romaine lettuce. There ain't dat much carb in dat lettuce, anyhow!

If it seems bland to you, add some Texas Ranch Salad Dressing (of course, make sure it is the allowed low-carb stuff!), some Seven Seas Creamy Italian dressing (this is low-carb and legal), or whatever strikes your fancy.

To me, this tasted JUST like the spaghetti carbonara they make at a fancy restaurant here in Richardson, and I got almost TOO full eating it immediately, warm. Mmm!

You could sprinkle on some of that Kraft Parmesan/Romano if you wanted to live dangerously (or if you left out the grated cheese). I find that it doesn't really mess up my ketosis, but your mileage may differ, so experiment.

NOW . . . you have a mess o' good eats on the stove! You can take the skillet goulash and either
* Put it in a big Tupperware container and put into the fridge. Later, when it's cool, you can portion some of it off into Glad freezer baggies for the freezer. This way, you have a week or two of the base for this meal!
* Feed your hubby and kids and mama! Seriously . . . this is just the kind of stuff they LOVE. I always make enough so that there's a ton left.

If you decide to let 'em eat good:
Boil some macaroni, rotini, or angel hair pasta. (Or spaghetti, if you insist on being boring.) Drain and add this to the large skillet of goulash. You can also add parsley flakes or other seasonings that the family loves. Let them sprinkle grated cheese on top of their individual servings.

Now . . . that wasn't so hard, was it?! I don't cook and I hate to clean up the kitchen, and I did this without complaining.

You should try it. You'll like it.

I'll bet you could make this vegetarian if you used BocaBurger or another soy-hamburger product. Or you could try it with ground turkey (eeewww, but if you can stomach it, great) or chicken (bleah!)

Drink a bottle or two of water with this. Otherwise, you know what happens to those of us on The Diet. . . .

(No, we *don't* go to Never-Never Land)