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shalanna(Sorry if the typing is awful--I'm using a laptop because I slipped in the parking lot and broke my knee!! Going to orthopedic surgeon in the morning. Went to ER this afternoon. It stinks! Do not fall down! More on this next post.)
Finally! At last! A convention post!
Here are some of the revision/editing and critique ideas I gleaned from workshops and panel discussions at the Southwest Mystery Writers of America convention.
I went to workshops with Hallie who wrote Don't Murder Your Mystery, with Deni Dietz of Five Star Press, and with several panelists talking all at once.
First, the thing that I had just figured out how to recognize and remedy in my own work (the epiphany was gelling even before this, but I can sorta put it into words now.)
My term for it is MOVIE GONE CRAZY or EXTREME CLOSE-UP ("I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. De Mille")
Tag Team Frenzy: Not letting readers visualize. Let talking heads lie.
Here's what I had fallen into with some of the older (1998-now) books. Tags replaced most of the "saids," which is often good, but they were in every line of dialogue. Some became so distracting that the book fell apart for many readers. If “ping” and “pong” reverberate as you read, it may mean you DO need a tag here and there. It's an art, remember.
I opened the door. “The police think I did it.”
Mom pulled the thread through her embroidery hoop. “That’s nice, honey.”
I opened a can of beans. “So can we afford my bail?”
Mom wiped her hands on a rag. “I don’t see why not.”
Sometimes tags are weird. ["It's silly." She snowed.] ["You're crazy." He jumped on the green kangaroo and did a lap around the lawn, avoiding the croquet team.]
Eliminate any tag in which the action is apparent or obvious from the dialogue. Get rid of any that aren't needed to avoid Talking Heads Syndrome. Don't make them into distractions. Read it aloud to an audience consisting of NOT just CATS. ***I HAD TO EDIT FOR THIS!!!--SC**
Tag, you're it! The action and the dialogue are reversed. Example: “This coffee is awful.” I sipped from the mug. FIX BY: Thinking. Does it seem more logical and actually do-able when you reverse the sequence? Test by pretending to act out the scene. (Preferably when no one else is around--cats are OK.) Having been an actress helps here quite a bit, as well as with creating a character from a concept or murky idea.
She Sighs All The Time: Do you find your characters “shrug” a lot? Smile on line after line (and return a grin, or suppress a grin, or swallow a grin?) “Swallow” too much? “Breathe” enough for the entire population of China? GRIN, SMILE, SIGH, TAKE A DEEP BREATH again.
Search and be ready to replace (but analyze first! Look at the page number, and if it has been a chapter since someone sneezed and the pollen is still floating off the trees in a yellow river that makes you think of author I. P. Freeley, it's probably all right to let Koziko sniffle-aaaa-aaa-aaahCHOO again. Um, have I mentioned avoiding most bang, boom, crash, BATMAN-TV-Show-style onamatopoeia?)
Keep a lookout for variants of the same action or from the same body part. Wandering “eyes” (which should be "gaze" anyhow) and “sighs/deep breaths” are common fixations. The “heart” pounding, stopping, pausing, bursting, and growing a long white beard runs a close third. Well, maybe not the beard. You can USE these--you preactically HAVE to--but not all the time and not too close to one another.
Concurrent actions which aren’t concurrent (a bete noire of Damon Knight--SC). Tripping down the steps, I landed on my right patella and felt it crack into two pieces. As I ran through the hall, I opened the door. Ripping the car door open, I hit the ignition and drove away. Quite a trick!
Now, there's been a convention in pulp fiction for years that readers would just accept and post-analyze this into consecutive actions, but now editors/agents are watching for these. As long as it's on the punch list, you're screwed when they catch it.
Check "as" and "when" clauses.
Also, don't be repetitive and redundant. Tags connoting the upset (e.g., shouted, cried) plus actions (stomping, slamming doors) plus thoughts. "I can't believe this happened." plus more thoughts. "Why me? Why me?". Plus dialogue. "You look upset."
"Why did you do that? The script said so." I see THIS all the time in mediocre pubbed mysteries/mainstream/chick lit/fantasySF/teen-YA novels MOTIVATE YOUR CHARACTERS. Make those motivations clear to readers.Create circumstances, situations, or thoughts to cause characters to act. Characters gone dumb/stoopid "because the script says so"--when characters deliberately ignore something obvious. Find a way around this.
Study SCENE and SEQUEL. In an action scene, if she thinks about another subject, make it a quick flash on the topic that is relevant to how she can get away. Otherwise, put reactions in sequel, not in the action scene.
Echo . . . echo . . . echo (repeated words in successive paragraphs.)
I looked at him. “Look, Frank. If you want to look for suspects, than you have to look here.” Also watch out for deadwood such as THAT, JUST, EVEN, BUT, LITTLE, VERY.
Are the action and the dialogue reversed? Example: “This coffee sucks.” I sipped from the mug. See if it reads more logically when you reverse the sequence.
Finally! At last! A convention post!
Here are some of the revision/editing and critique ideas I gleaned from workshops and panel discussions at the Southwest Mystery Writers of America convention.
I went to workshops with Hallie who wrote Don't Murder Your Mystery, with Deni Dietz of Five Star Press, and with several panelists talking all at once.
First, the thing that I had just figured out how to recognize and remedy in my own work (the epiphany was gelling even before this, but I can sorta put it into words now.)
My term for it is MOVIE GONE CRAZY or EXTREME CLOSE-UP ("I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. De Mille")
Tag Team Frenzy: Not letting readers visualize. Let talking heads lie.
Here's what I had fallen into with some of the older (1998-now) books. Tags replaced most of the "saids," which is often good, but they were in every line of dialogue. Some became so distracting that the book fell apart for many readers. If “ping” and “pong” reverberate as you read, it may mean you DO need a tag here and there. It's an art, remember.
I opened the door. “The police think I did it.”
Mom pulled the thread through her embroidery hoop. “That’s nice, honey.”
I opened a can of beans. “So can we afford my bail?”
Mom wiped her hands on a rag. “I don’t see why not.”
Sometimes tags are weird. ["It's silly." She snowed.] ["You're crazy." He jumped on the green kangaroo and did a lap around the lawn, avoiding the croquet team.]
Eliminate any tag in which the action is apparent or obvious from the dialogue. Get rid of any that aren't needed to avoid Talking Heads Syndrome. Don't make them into distractions. Read it aloud to an audience consisting of NOT just CATS. ***I HAD TO EDIT FOR THIS!!!--SC**
Tag, you're it! The action and the dialogue are reversed. Example: “This coffee is awful.” I sipped from the mug. FIX BY: Thinking. Does it seem more logical and actually do-able when you reverse the sequence? Test by pretending to act out the scene. (Preferably when no one else is around--cats are OK.) Having been an actress helps here quite a bit, as well as with creating a character from a concept or murky idea.
She Sighs All The Time: Do you find your characters “shrug” a lot? Smile on line after line (and return a grin, or suppress a grin, or swallow a grin?) “Swallow” too much? “Breathe” enough for the entire population of China? GRIN, SMILE, SIGH, TAKE A DEEP BREATH again.
Search and be ready to replace (but analyze first! Look at the page number, and if it has been a chapter since someone sneezed and the pollen is still floating off the trees in a yellow river that makes you think of author I. P. Freeley, it's probably all right to let Koziko sniffle-aaaa-aaa-aaahCHOO again. Um, have I mentioned avoiding most bang, boom, crash, BATMAN-TV-Show-style onamatopoeia?)
Keep a lookout for variants of the same action or from the same body part. Wandering “eyes” (which should be "gaze" anyhow) and “sighs/deep breaths” are common fixations. The “heart” pounding, stopping, pausing, bursting, and growing a long white beard runs a close third. Well, maybe not the beard. You can USE these--you preactically HAVE to--but not all the time and not too close to one another.
Concurrent actions which aren’t concurrent (a bete noire of Damon Knight--SC). Tripping down the steps, I landed on my right patella and felt it crack into two pieces. As I ran through the hall, I opened the door. Ripping the car door open, I hit the ignition and drove away. Quite a trick!
Now, there's been a convention in pulp fiction for years that readers would just accept and post-analyze this into consecutive actions, but now editors/agents are watching for these. As long as it's on the punch list, you're screwed when they catch it.
Check "as" and "when" clauses.
Also, don't be repetitive and redundant. Tags connoting the upset (e.g., shouted, cried) plus actions (stomping, slamming doors) plus thoughts. "I can't believe this happened." plus more thoughts. "Why me? Why me?". Plus dialogue. "You look upset."
"Why did you do that? The script said so." I see THIS all the time in mediocre pubbed mysteries/mainstream/chick lit/fantasySF/teen-YA novels MOTIVATE YOUR CHARACTERS. Make those motivations clear to readers.Create circumstances, situations, or thoughts to cause characters to act. Characters gone dumb/stoopid "because the script says so"--when characters deliberately ignore something obvious. Find a way around this.
Study SCENE and SEQUEL. In an action scene, if she thinks about another subject, make it a quick flash on the topic that is relevant to how she can get away. Otherwise, put reactions in sequel, not in the action scene.
Echo . . . echo . . . echo (repeated words in successive paragraphs.)
I looked at him. “Look, Frank. If you want to look for suspects, than you have to look here.” Also watch out for deadwood such as THAT, JUST, EVEN, BUT, LITTLE, VERY.
Are the action and the dialogue reversed? Example: “This coffee sucks.” I sipped from the mug. See if it reads more logically when you reverse the sequence.
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no subject
Date: 2007-07-06 03:12 am (UTC)I'll see if LJ eats this, then post on topic.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-06 03:36 am (UTC)We were talking about constructing the scene in the first place. Some people start with like a play script, speech only, then 'layer in' the rest. After speech, the next layers would be iirc:
1. speech - eg "Stop or I'll shoot!"
2. NECESSARY action: - eg She grabbed the gun.
Then look through (or ask a beta reader) and mark which speeches really need some kind of attribution, and which are clear from context.
Those that don't NEED it, leave alone.
Those that do need it, layer in one of the following:
3. Stage business, starting with NECESSARY props - eg Not meeting his eye, she turned to the mantel and ran her fingers over the musket above it.
4. Stage business, with relevant props or Showing Character.
5. Gestures well done.
6. Tone of voice well done, sparingly.
7. Invisible attributions ( 'said Susan' 'he replied' etc)
Of course after some of these have been layered in, some of the adjoining speeches that weren't clear who said it, probably are clear now and so don't need any attribution or hint of their own after all.