debg's feel-good meme
Oct. 24th, 2007 04:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shalannaDeborah G (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
debg) creates a meme asking, "What do you like about yourself?" I fail miserably with lame stuff. But I think it might be uplifting for some of y'all to think on these things.
Post your feel-goods in the comments here or over at her journal, if you prefer.
I replied to the meme, but I'm no good at this kind of thing. Other people have great stuff like "I am loyal" or "if I have something and you need it, it's yours" or "I work towards the common good." I'm not a good person (as you already know), so I can't say stuff like that. I could only come up with three lame-o "good" things.
I was going to do this meme because I've let the rejections of everyone in publishing erode all my self-confidence and self-esteem, and I need *some* reason to think I should still be taking up room on the planet . . . but I really couldn't think of anything not lame, because I hate myself. This was reinforced last night by the opinions of my family members . . . who agree: I am crap! But I'll give it a shot, from whichever quarter of "me" (whatever that is) remains that still wishes it could be worthy.
1. I can spell. If it's an English or French word, if you pronounce it properly, I can give you at least one or two possible spellings and then make an educated guess as to which one is correct. I'm usually right. If you add in etymology (that is, if you can tell me whether it comes from Latin or the romance languages or is taken from another source, for example), I get even closer.
I'm good with a clever turn of phrase, too, but that usually works against me. No one "gets" or likes literary allusions any more, so THAT always works against me.
2. I can play the piano by ear. If I hear a pop/show tunes song a couple of times, I can play it, hands together, in an arrangement that will come close to what you heard on the radio. Of course I can't do that with Mozart piano concerti, as there are "too many notes" *grin* and you can get lost too easily, but with the typical hymn, pop song, show tune, or other piece that gets played on popular TV or radio, I can play it on the piano. (Assuming it's a piece that lends itself to the piano. Heavy metal guitar or rap songs don't usually lend themselves.)
3. I know my own limitations. If I can't do something, I don't claim that I can. If I don't know something, I can make an educated guess and/or go out and try to find out, but I don't just shoot off a line of bull the way a lot of people do in order to cover up their fear of being "found out." This is, however, one of the parts of me that feeds into the feeling of unworthiness and being found wanting. I can't just say, "But I'm great anyway," the way most kids brought up under the Good Self-Esteem flag can. I was brought up under the "I brought you into this world and by God I can take you out and make another just like you" flag, and under that flag you had to prove you were worthy of being loved, admired, and/or praised by actually producing something that pleased the authority figures. I suppose that shapes a person, to some extent.
I can also do math, but nobody cares about that. (grin) Because I hate APPLIED math. I just like math-math that doesn't have any use except to look at because it's purty.
# # #
The reason I'm up at four AM is that the dog barked to go potty (after wetting the new sheets anyway) and then Hubby's cell phone rang with the alarming news that the Dallas switch for his telecom company* is hard-down--crashed with a hardware problem. He's trying to sort it out by phone, but will probably end up going on in to work. Which leaves me with no way to get to physical therapy at 8 in the morning unless I drive myself. I think I *could* do that, though. What the hell.
* The telecom company for which he works. We only wish it were HIS telecom company.
debg) creates a meme asking, "What do you like about yourself?" I fail miserably with lame stuff. But I think it might be uplifting for some of y'all to think on these things.
The "I LIKE Myself" meme. I want three statements, made by you about yourself, that are things that show that you like yourself.
We're all so fast to dump on ourselves, carry a load of uberdown, and it seems that everything from God to the media wants you to not announce what's good about you.
I hereby declare an offday for that crap.
What are three things that are cool about you? No qualifications, no scuffing toes and saying awww I couldn't possibly say good things about myself, no ducking and trying to be "modest". This is about self-like.
Post your feel-goods in the comments here or over at her journal, if you prefer.
I replied to the meme, but I'm no good at this kind of thing. Other people have great stuff like "I am loyal" or "if I have something and you need it, it's yours" or "I work towards the common good." I'm not a good person (as you already know), so I can't say stuff like that. I could only come up with three lame-o "good" things.
I was going to do this meme because I've let the rejections of everyone in publishing erode all my self-confidence and self-esteem, and I need *some* reason to think I should still be taking up room on the planet . . . but I really couldn't think of anything not lame, because I hate myself. This was reinforced last night by the opinions of my family members . . . who agree: I am crap! But I'll give it a shot, from whichever quarter of "me" (whatever that is) remains that still wishes it could be worthy.
1. I can spell. If it's an English or French word, if you pronounce it properly, I can give you at least one or two possible spellings and then make an educated guess as to which one is correct. I'm usually right. If you add in etymology (that is, if you can tell me whether it comes from Latin or the romance languages or is taken from another source, for example), I get even closer.
I'm good with a clever turn of phrase, too, but that usually works against me. No one "gets" or likes literary allusions any more, so THAT always works against me.
2. I can play the piano by ear. If I hear a pop/show tunes song a couple of times, I can play it, hands together, in an arrangement that will come close to what you heard on the radio. Of course I can't do that with Mozart piano concerti, as there are "too many notes" *grin* and you can get lost too easily, but with the typical hymn, pop song, show tune, or other piece that gets played on popular TV or radio, I can play it on the piano. (Assuming it's a piece that lends itself to the piano. Heavy metal guitar or rap songs don't usually lend themselves.)
3. I know my own limitations. If I can't do something, I don't claim that I can. If I don't know something, I can make an educated guess and/or go out and try to find out, but I don't just shoot off a line of bull the way a lot of people do in order to cover up their fear of being "found out." This is, however, one of the parts of me that feeds into the feeling of unworthiness and being found wanting. I can't just say, "But I'm great anyway," the way most kids brought up under the Good Self-Esteem flag can. I was brought up under the "I brought you into this world and by God I can take you out and make another just like you" flag, and under that flag you had to prove you were worthy of being loved, admired, and/or praised by actually producing something that pleased the authority figures. I suppose that shapes a person, to some extent.
I can also do math, but nobody cares about that. (grin) Because I hate APPLIED math. I just like math-math that doesn't have any use except to look at because it's purty.
The reason I'm up at four AM is that the dog barked to go potty (after wetting the new sheets anyway) and then Hubby's cell phone rang with the alarming news that the Dallas switch for his telecom company* is hard-down--crashed with a hardware problem. He's trying to sort it out by phone, but will probably end up going on in to work. Which leaves me with no way to get to physical therapy at 8 in the morning unless I drive myself. I think I *could* do that, though. What the hell.
* The telecom company for which he works. We only wish it were HIS telecom company.
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Okay, a 3-part ego trip
Date: 2007-10-24 10:02 pm (UTC)I'm tactful, as a rule. I read years ago that the definition of a gentleman was someone who never offended people _unintentionally_. I haven't been 100% successful at this, but I do try, very hard. So I'll treat myself tactfully and list that as likable trait #2.
Uhh . . . what was the question?
Oh, yes. Three likable things about me. For the most part, I'm happy with my life, because it leaves me ample time to create, be it music or literature. Happy people are, as a rule, likable. Three, right? There!
Keep me away from Disney's evil kingdom, Precious Moments, the Keenes, and above all SpongeBob Square Pants, and you'll never have to deal with the dark side of moi.
This subject is tiresome. Shouldn't we be talking about writing?
Never mind the contests that are probably scams in the first place. Just write and submit. As for your family and the joy they seem to get from kicking you when you're down, I can't say anything I haven't said before.
One positive negative thought for you: the worst thing about BAD HEIR DAY is the title. It's a pseudo-pun, since HEIR and HAIR are not pronounced the same. Come up with a better title, and I'll let you change Walter Bastanchury's name to Harold Ruparcich (my high school Boys' Health teacher). (Girls' Health was taught by the superannuated Miss Wooley, who had no first name that any living person could recall. I doubt if even she remembered it.)
Anyway, CHEER UP, dammit!
no subject
Date: 2007-10-25 12:02 pm (UTC)Oh hell yes. One of the things I really like about the young people I know these days (mostly young horsewomen, future health professionals, and incipient rock stars) is that they're comfortable in their own skins and they've been brought up to assume other people are nice and will like them. Including adults and authority figures, so you can correct them and offer advice without fearing they'll get defensive and angry: their self-esteem is not tied to being perfect all the time, and they're willing to acknowledge that sometimes someone else knows more about a subject than they do.
Young people today are so much more restful than they were when I was one!
And I'm another person who grew up trying to please the authority figures, and the problem with that is it means the way you see *yourself* is directed by someone else. If the authority figure is angry about something else and takes it out on you, you end up feeling like an unworthy person and it has nothing to do with YOU and who YOU REALLY ARE. You end up trying to fulfill someone else's expectations, which they may quixotically change just to keep you guessing and under control. (In fairness, they probably don't know they're doing it, but the effect is still damaging.) And you end up producing what pleases the authority figures instead of yourself, or what you hope will please them, and after a while you don't know what you want anymore, or what will make you happy, because your life is totally directed by someone else.
That sucks.
I sympathize with your problem. Moreso since the people who raised me to be a quivering heap of neuroses seem to have realized that was a bad idea and they're no longer trying to heap more neuroses on top of the pile. (And maybe they've learned to like and value themselves enough that they don't need me to be their proxy, so they can let me be myself instead of what they want me to be.) I do hope you learn to get over the idea that you can somehow do something to MAKE those people in your life value and accept you.... because that just gives them too much power. And more power over you is what they do not need.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-25 12:09 pm (UTC)1) I am usually charitable. Not always on my journal, but in real life I generally can give the benefit of the doubt and see the good in other people.
2) I am pretty good at finding compromises, which is helpful in the team-oriented environment in which I work. I am pretty good at seeing the other person's point of view and helping come up with ways for everyone to be satisfied with a result. I don't always have to "win."
3) I can enjoy things for their own sake, rather than having to measure my performance against some outside yardstick. (We still say "yardstick" in Canada, we just don't use them.) This trait is stronger now than when I was younger and more neurotic: I can enjoy creating a story that will never be published, or training a horse I will never show. I enjoy the whole process more now.