CRAFT: Telegraphing whimsical tone and story tone in openings

[shalanna]

I've just gotten a rejection on the Pundit novel (though not from the agent I met at the conference) that says, in part, "I can't determine whether your story's tone is whimsical/comical or serious, and if it's supposed to be serious, I can't believe in the plot's events."

This is a toughie. Many of you have read the opening of that novel. The tone IS light-hearted, humorous, somewhat whimsical. It's a romantic screwball comedy at heart. Think "Miracle on 34th Street" (though it's not about holidays/Santa, but it IS about Believing) and "Topper" and that sort of thing. (If you hate that sort of thing, then you wouldn't like this book, but it's not twee--or at least I claim it isn't.)

I've done what I know how to do: I described the hero as "leprechaun-faced" and kept the tone light when I spoke of the heroine having twisted her ankle (it's not a Heavy Medical Drama, just a little excuse to have her picked up and carried into the office by the hero). I've tried to make the dialogue more like banter. I do have some of the tropes of romance in there, such as having him notice a lot of details about her and vice versa (which is supposedly going to signal to readers that they're going to be romantically attracted to each other; it works in category romance, at any rate) and having them talk about each other to other people. However, any sane reader who has read widely and has good reading comprehension should know that it's not an erotic category romance or a serious heavy drama from the tone. Or should they?

As many of you know, this story has a guardian angel--at least the heroine believes she has one, although no one ever sees it, only the evidence that it has been at work behind the scenes (if you believe). Old-timey stories had this kind of conceit, and it worked. I know I can make it work. Surely people HAVE made it work. But various agents have also said, "there's no such thing in real life, so this must be a paranormal." This story isn't a paranormal--it's just an old-fashioned story with a character who believes in something that MOST people I know say they believe in (no, really, they DO.) Angels are part of the tradition of many religions, including Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, and you see guardian angels used as a meme very often in popular culture. That doesn't necessarily make a story in which someone mentions that they believe they have one into a paranormal--but I can't seem to get agreement on that. *Compounding* this genre-ID problem is the general observation that most paranormal stories I see on the shelves are about vampires and werewolves and such. Those seem to be a staple of paranormal-ness. I don't want agents to think that's what this story is like. I believe this is a good old-timey screwball comedy romance like "Foul Play" or "Bringing Up Baby" or "Forever Darling." (That last one is a Lucy-Desi flick in which James Mason plays Lucy's guardian angel, come to give her advice.)

So how do YOU signal to readers that your story is going to be light-hearted and humorous rather than a photo-realistic reality show?

(Or do you always write very serious, reality-only books?)

Comments

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

The beginning I saw, and I remember it very well, pretty much signalled exactly what you describe. Maybe this was not the right agent for the project. I mean, talk about tone deaf!!!

[pameladean]

It seemed broad enough to me when I read it.

I'm afraid, Shalanna, that your work may be interstitial.

P.

[horace-hamster.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the agent sees this story as not falling into any of these categories:
1. It's a comedy because the reader and the characters are laughing at the idea of a guardian angel being real.
2. It's a comedy because the reader (and most of the characters) are laughing at the protagonist for believing in a guardian ange.
3. Both the reader and the protagonist seriously believe in the existence of the guardian angel, which puts the book into the paranormal category and means that the angel-idea must be written in a way that makes the reader take it seriously.

[thesaucernews.livejournal.com]

I think tone is important -- particularly contrast between the urbane and the absurd. In one story I'm writing now, you start out from the point of view of a guy with his head down in the back seat of a stolen car which is running over a horde of approaching zombies. The internal dialogue of the protagonist, which is presented as very straightforward, contrasts with the absurdity of the situation outside and just as you might be tempted to take it all seriously, there's a talking duck from another planet in the back seat with him. Cue rimshot.