Update: Mama's better

[shalanna]

Now that I'm finally home and all is quiet (just talked to my mother in her hospital room and to the nurses' station, and all is well), I can't fall asleep! But . . . here's an update.

We got good news. The battery of tests was tough on her today (and not so easy on poor me *sniffle* as I trudged along behind pushing the IV pole, as the nurses were overworked). They didn't find a problem in her colon or stomach other than polyps that look benign (they will send them to pathology anyhow, of course)--so tomorrow she will swallow a camera that is the size of a pill, and it will take photos of her small intestine, the only place their probes of today could not reach. (Insert "South Park" probe jokes here.) They will look there for diverticulitis and so forth. It made her weak, but she's stronger overall now that she has three units of blood from big, strong athletes and/or drunks who sell their blood. (But those people were healthy enough to give blood, so it HAS to help.)

We had a little scare/bobble when the blood arrived and it was A-positive. I said, "Wait!" She said, "I'm O-negative and so is my daughter. I've carried a card since I was a teenager that says so!"

This put the fear of all into everyone, and the doctor had the lab send a tech up for a blood sample so they could re-type. Sure enough, they redid it four times to be sure *(!) Good!*, and it came out A+. This is a surprise to us. You see, she had an emergency blood transfusion about eight years ago for the same reason (they said it was a bleeding ulcer then), and they gave her O+. However, that's the Universal Donor, and they were in a rush. This time, they gave her the real type. Live and learn--back in the 1940s, they got it wrong with her. Go figure! I plan to get MY blood type and get a new card, just to be safe, 'cause hey, can I even BE O- if she's A+? I *think* so, but. . . .

So now she has more blood and has gotten over all the anaesthesia and is resting comfortably. The primary physician said he'd hoped to see an ulcer because that's easily treated, but the doc with the probe said he sees no ulcer in the stomach, but only the typical Pernicious Anemia plaques and oddities. She had a couple of polyps in both places, but they looked harmless to him (though he sent them to path anyway.) They say maybe it's diverticulitis in the small intestine. What he doesn't want is to NOT find anything or to find something BAD. Reasons for not finding something bad obvious. Reasons for not wanting to find NOTHING include that there is something hidden that is causing it and he wants to know what!

But she had a blood loss like this before, and my cousin Patty had one a couple of years ago. I think it must be something benign or she'd already have, you know, bled out or whatever . . . anyway, we'll keep praying.

I am hoping to have her feeling well enough to let me go on the New York journey (the trip I won in the contest, so I can be in the contest finals.) I get calls every day from my darling coordinator, and we're figuring this out. I need to book my Amtrak travel fairly soon, like tomorrow, and we've figured out how to do that so that I could cancel if I had to without owing the contest money. (I think.)

Hubby still says he won't go with me, and it really hurts me--doesn't a spouse usually WANT to go to a celebratory trip with you? He says he would be bored. This hurts my feelings. Maybe we aren't compatible at all any more . . . he hates music now, doesn't care for anything I write, and now doesn't even want to go on a trip with me. I was fantasizing that Mama could go, but hell, we're lucky this wasn't worse, and she'll have to stay home with a house-sitter. If I even get to go at all.

She was really out of it after her procedures, especially because they gave her a Darvon for her leg cramps (she'd taken Lasix and had a drip of potassium to try to correct that, but the cramps sneaked in) and all that stuff crocked her. Back in her room, she kept standing up and getting out of bed. They told me to KEEP HER IN THE BED for two hours. It was a trial. Then she finally got sleepy and zonked out. I sneaked home so I could get something to eat and feed the dog. I fell asleep on the sofa . . . I got three calls over the evening because the pulmonary doc had not written orders for her Advair, and their idea was for me to bring her old inhaler up there . . . I was willing, but when I paged the doctor he said he'd call the hospital and get her a new one. You really have to keep on top of what is happening with your family members as patients, as the nurses are overworked and things fall through the cracks! But I digress.

Ironic, isn't it, that the one time I actually do get a break and win a chance to go somewhere fun, this happens. In the previous life that I am apparently doing penance/punishment for, I was obviously Eva Braun or Marie Antoinette or some other similarly high-powered bitch. I can only conjecture that I massacred an entire country or worse! I hope I had a blast doing it.

I'm stringing 3M/Scotch along telling them that I am indeed coming. If I have to cancel at the last minute, well, that can just go on my list of inconsiderate SOB sins that I have done . . .'cause I want to keep this possibility alive as long as I can! It would really be a blast.

I really SHOULD take another man with me. I don't CARE how it looks to the neighbors. Would serve Hubs RIGHT!

Hubster is worried that if we go, "we couldn't get back if there were an emergency." Well, tell you what. If I got a call that there's an emergency, I would gather my carry-on luggage and get off the train the next time it stops at any station at all. I will then use my cell phone to call a taxi to take me to the nearest rental car place (Enterprise will come GET you, and I'll call them if possible.) I will then rent the car and drive it back here as fast as I can. That's the best I could do. Someone here will have to take care of small emergencies. That's all anyone could do, anyway, people who can't fly (Don can't fly because of that weird ear syndrome thing.) And what diff would it make if The Worst were to happen to the house or God forbid anything else--you couldn't reverse it even if you were sitting there during the time it was happening. I think he just is ashamed to be seen with me, or thinks he should be allowed to do whatever he wants all the time and never have to do something because it's the spousal thing to do.

Am I wrong--is it so different now? Spouses go to their different vacations, don't do family things, go separately for Christmas to their different families. But I have always seen that as dysfunctional. I think that the way my parents and in-laws divided their time and "did the time" for the other spouse was more normal, or more noble, or something. Still, if it's not that way now, it's not that way.

I gotta sleep so I can get back to the hospital in the morning. Thanks for listening to the rant.

*klunk*

Comments

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Both times I went to NY, I went alone--my spouse was a navy brat, and HATES travel, and he especially hates huge cities. He is happier here, so I went alone, and had a blast!

One other note, poor Marie Antoinette had absolutely no power. She was not even a bad person. But as always, her personality and wife abilities etc got stuff made up about them. The worst thing (the Diamond Necklace Affair) she didn't even know about it, the con woman just used her name!

[shalanna.livejournal.com]

Another myth busted!! *sigh* I am also told that she never said, "Let them eat cake." It's such a great quote.

I don't blame anybody for not wanting to leave California. That is where my hubby has wanted to go for a while. "Why couldn't you win something that took us to L. A. or SF? Or Vegas! I love Vegas!" *grin* I told him I couldn't control where they hold contests! Eventually we'll get on that Sunset Limited and come up the coast on the other Amtrak that comes up the California coast. Maybe early next year. He has a training session they want him to attend in San Diego next February or March!

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Well I'd leave here if I could, I so hate hot weather.

My spouse's ideal vacation is sitting in his chair watching TV all day and night, without ever having to look at the clock. Mine is to get in the car and drive north, then east, far as I can go.

[burningofroissy.livejournal.com]

Insert "South Park" probe jokes here.

lol You said "insert."

Seriously, though, I'm glad they didn't find anything as serious as they'd feared. [Also, those tests sound like they suck big time. D: ] Hope she's on the mend soon!

[coneycat.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad things are looking up for your mother, I was worried about her!

Am I wrong--is it so different now? Spouses go to their different vacations, don't do family things, ... Still, if it's not that way now, it's not that way.

I haven't noticed that at all among my married friends--they tend to go out of their way to do things together. I'm really sorry your hubby is being a jerk about this, but if he feels that way it's much better that he stays home. It would be rotten if he dragged along and ruined your trip.

You're absolutely right that if there was a big emergency you could, in fact, get home quickly. And also that if the house and your mother are in the care of competent adults, things would be looked after anyway.

Go and have fun. Enjoy yourself, come home with lots of great stories, and if hubby doesn't want to hear them, write them down for us!

[crinklequirk.livejournal.com]

Regarding spouses not doing things together:
Definitely not the norm here.
Also often a sign of a relationship that has problems (sorry!! *eep*)

Had that sort of thing start happening on the way to divorcing my ex-husband.
See it all the time with my b-in-law (the guy's a jerk, big time) - he never comes to family things if he can squirm out of it. Funny, how he always has time for his friends.

So all in all, I absolutely second Coneycat - go by yourself, have fun, and try to relax a little. If an emergency call comes, it comes - nothing you can do to stop that, and all you can do is go home asap as you've planned, so just give yourself a little time. It sounds like you really need the break - and deserve it. :)

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

We do some things together and some things separately. As we've been married for 34 years, we're presumably doing something right. :)

If it's something G wants to do, unless I can't, because of work commitments, I will go along. Other things we choose to do together. But there are things that I want to do -- like go to SF conventions -- that G would hate, so I go on my own. I think this is far preferable to missing out and feeling bitter or trying to drag a reluctant partner along, which won't do a relationship any good at all. However compatible you are, there's bound to be some aspects that don't overlap. I actually believe this is a feature not a bug, as long as things don't get out of proportion and you never spend time doing things together.

Or in other words, if I were shalanna, I would go to New York alone and leave hubby to take care of any hypothetical emergencies.

[gaelbrady.livejournal.com]

OMG! Icon love! I adore Hungry Girl!

And, I'm so glad your mom is doing better!!!

[rene-writer.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad your mom is feeling better.

[abbie-normal.livejournal.com]

glad mom is improving!

re: blood types--they are based on mendelian genetics. at our house, my hubby is O neg. i am A pos. our three daughters, in descending order are: A pos, O neg, A neg. as long as there is a negative factor in your family, you can have that variation on "type". they still use O neg as universal donor, in emergent situations. and there is the rare and occasional "change" of type that occurs when someone has marrow transplant, total body irradiation and concurrent transfusion, etc. it is usually a fluke, but it can happen.

in fact, i read an article yesterday that claims that in denmark, they "incidentally" cured AIDS in a patient who got irradiation and marrow transplant for leukemia treatment. now, appears to be aids-free.
so, a little thing like a type switch is chump change!

[pameladean]

I'm glad the news about your mother is good. It's too bad they can't have you swallow a camera for the entire system rather than doing these icky probes.

I don't think what was traditional in marriage or what may be fashionable now really has much to do with the case. You'd like Don to go with you and he doesn't want to. That's a problem even if husbands don't normally go anywhere with their wives. I think you should go anyway, and I'm really sorry he can't get excited about it.

P.

[bluemalibu.livejournal.com]

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

[kelley79.livejournal.com]

Shalanna, Hi! It's Kelley from the moly exchange...I'm so sorry to hear about your mother and hope you are able to find comfort that things are looking up a bit. I actually found this web page for you via the blog Marty set up...I hate to trouble you even more...but can you check your emails?? I've been trying to get a hold of you since last month...although after reading your posts I now know why you've been MIA...best of luck to you and your mother...please send me an email and let me know what you want to do: kelley@kelleyfrisby.com

thank you.

[selidororous.livejournal.com]

I'm glad your Mom is doing better, but it sounds like your husband should be more supportive of your talents and achievements. I recommend that you go to NY anyways, then tell us all about your trip.