A clarification (no, not being turned into Clara or even into Clari)

[shalanna]

The reason that I sometimes mention North Texas Mensa in my scribblings here is that I've never thought twice about mentioning it. It's the same as mentioning the neighborhood crime watch or homeowners association, or mentioning that you're going to your consciousness-raising group, or whatever. But it seems to upset some readers. Some of them claim to believe that people who mention Mensa, or who mention that they've gone to college, or who mention that they have exceptionally good hair that grows fast, or that they're happily married, or that they weigh under two hundred pounds, or WHATEVER, are just "showing off."

Well . . . we aren't. Most journalers are trying to entertain and inform, not upset people. We can't help it if someone feels left out or jealous, if that's what it is. I mean, we talk about our lives, and these things are part of them. I would feel weird about referring to NTM (say) as "That Group I'm In" the way I felt I had to at first. There's really nothing to be ashamed of if you are or aren't in this or that group. It shouldn't bug others.

In fact, we were discussing ways to get more people into NTM at the last board meeting, and we agreed that one obstacle is the reverse-status that the organization now has. We get people who come in and take the test, but never attend a meeting. We have been trying to figure out how to get more people to meetings, but it *does* look as though some people just join so they can put it on their resumes. However, many of us joined so we could meet other people who shared our interests and inclinations. I think that's valid. I joined various other groups because we had shared interests (the homeowners association, the NaNo group here in town, our church--although where the church is concerned, there were other overriding reasons, only one of which was "not forsaking the fellowship of the saints.") Not everyone gets on the pro basketball teams. Not everyone is allowed to join the Daughters of the American Revolution (you have to have the ancestors for that). You can't be in an orchestra if you don't play an instrument at a certain level of skill (you have to be able to keep up with the other players, for one thing.) There are other groups with specific requirements. I just don't see that as elitist, although I recognize that some people do.

Anyway, I am not trying to bug anybody with this. I probably won't have occasion to mention the group very often after the first of the year, because I told them I couldn't spare the time to serve on the Board for another year, and so I'll be at fewer required meetings. I'll try to remember to just leave that off and say "went to a meeting of the book group" instead of "the NTM book group." But really, it's not some big deal. It's just another organization. I *do* defend its honor when people make some lame joke at the expense of the "socially awkward" (because not everyone in the group IS, though some are.) I did that on Miss Snark's blog the other day, so maybe that's what got somebody's knickers in a knot. I just didn't think it was fair to tar all people in an organization with the same brush. Fortunately, the guy I replied to came back with a sense of humor and promised not to defame the group again, so we joked about it.

I think it's beneath us to mock any group, be it Irish people or welders or drag queens or Mensans or bad poets. Even if we feel smug that we're not one of the bad poets, does it elevate us to mock the bad ones? A rising tide lifts all ships.

Comments

[wildcelticrose.livejournal.com]

Sing it sister !!!

I've heard the same crap (usually when someone who's not even on my friends list bitches about me on another journal) I've heard about commments about "I'm glad I don't feel the need to show off how smart, sexy and together when it's really all crap" (amazingly, this comment was posted by a short, fat woman who can't hold a job even though she's educated) Excuse me for working out, volunteering in my community, havinga great job and posting pictures...

Ignore it.

Be you.

It's YOUR journal.

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

I've met people who belonged to Mensa whose sole distinction was that they could get in, and others who were, well, worthwhile people, in whatever sense you'd like to take that. But I know people like that at work. I know people like that in other organizations. In fact, the entire planet is filled up with lurching excuses for humanity (well, actually, it's not, but you know hyperbole when it crosses your path) whose only note of distinction is that they're there. But for those who get bent out of shape because of what organizations you choose to join, well, golly. Guess happily-married people should never mention their spouses, for fear of upsetting people who can't manage a relationship, right? We could go on--I could come up with more examples--I doubt I need to, though.

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

(I read your comment on miss_snark and it made me think, and now found you on llygoden's friends list, so, err, hi.)

For most people, myself included, Mensa is a bit of a joke. I don't know whether I would qualify or not, never having taken the test - but to many 'being good enough for Mensa' means nothing more than 'I've got a high IQ' respectively 'I can pass IQ tests well' - they've got no interest in the organisation as such.

I never paused to think that maybe, it's not all that different from fandom, where you get some, well, _very odd people_ hanging out and trading obscure knowledge about irrelevant facts.

I guess I owe you an apology...

As for the wider context of not truthfully talking about yourself - I see a livejournal as a personal thing. Right now, mine tends to be filled with writing neepery (because that's what's taking front seat in my brain right now), moans about being poor, snarky comments, and the odd post about my wonderful horse. (Yes, I'm biased)

If you can't write what you want to write here, where can you? It's a personal journal, not a performance.

I'm reading the livejournals of people who started out as total strangers; and I'm *interested* in the details of their lives, even when they seem mundane, because _my_ mundaneness is probably as alien to them as theirs is to me. Anyone who is bored, well, they don't have to read it. The idea of dumbing down (or injecting with cheerfulness) a personal journal because it might offend your friends to learn the truth is far more offensive. I like to share both misery and good fortune with my friends; theirs and mine.

[pameladean]

I always wonder why people who complain about trivia like that continue to torment themselves by reading stuff that is in all ways optional and obviously upsets them dreadfully. It's not your job to conform to their nonsense.

P.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

"I'll try to remember to just leave that off and say 'went to a meeting of the book group' instead of 'the NTM book group.'"

Why bother? As pameladean says, "It's not your job to conform to their nonsense."

Now, I used to know some people who said they weren't in Mensa because they didn't want to be around people with IQs so much lower than theirs. They definitely were boasting rather than just stating the facts -- but it never occurred to me that any Mensan should pay enough attention to them to be offended.

[madwriter.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, a friend broke off contact with me because I kept talking about Laurie and me in my LJ, especially doing fun stuff and having good times. Her own marriage was an unhappy pit, and based on what she told others (she never confronted me directly), she apparently thought I was attacking and making fun of her specificially by talking about my happytimes.

[coneycat.livejournal.com]

I *do* defend [Mensa's] honor when people make some lame joke at the expense of the "socially awkward"

I'm so old and so cranky now that when someone makes a crack about something they clearly know nothing about I am sorely tempted to reply, "Well now, why don't we discuss a subject you actually know something about?"

Haven't done it yet, but it's a-coming. And it sounds like the kind of rejoinder this type of comment deserves.

[dpolicar]

Some years ago, I was chatting with a coworker who asked me if I was a Mensa member. From the context I infered this was an oblique way of complimenting me on my smarts, and I kinda-sorta-modestly responded that no, the idea of joining a group whose primary defining characteristic was self-conscious intelligence didn't really appeal to me.

Needless to say, it turned out my coworker was an active Mensa member, and she vaguely took offense, and I thought about what I'd said and realized it was a complete toss-off comment and that I really didn't know a damned thing about Mensa or its members... so I backpedaled by explaining that my social circle was largely MIT grads, and I really had a lot of self-consciously intelligent people in my life, not least of which myself, and so when looking for new groups I tended to look for something different, and I hadn't meant to disparage anyone.

Since then I've concluded that my backpedal really was true... if I ever found myself in a social circle that didn't include people smarter than me, I'd likely feel the need to search one out, it's just that it's never happened. And it is kinda funny to think that, in that position, I'd be judged as joining the group to "feel smart" when actually what I'm looking for is the opportunity to feel dumb.